Wednesday, 20 October 2010


"A lie can travel halfway around the world before the truth can get its boots on." - Charles Haddon Spurgeon

I had this dream the other night, that I was at Glastonbury Festival and I hadn't blogged the whole time I was there.

Damn, it made me homesick.
And feel kinda guilty. Been forever since I opened the blog.

This week's been particularly exciting in Festival Terms. Michael Eavis turned 75 and for some reason the papers have got it into their collective heads that the reason there won't be a festival in 2012 is down to the fact that the Olympics are going to be hogging all of the toilets.

But still, I've spent all week watching a google alert pop up every time another paper picks up on this story, from The Guardian (..aren't they the festival's media partners? Surely they could've asked Mr Eavis if that was true?) to the NME and the Sydney Morning Herald and even The Onion.

But this week, Mr Eavis was widely-less reported saying that the decision was nothing to do with the toilets - it was actually down to the fact that he was worried about policing levels, since they'd all be at the Olympics, possibly with all the toilets (..what sort of Olympics are these, for goodness sake?)

This, of course, led the police to issue their own statement.

"Media reports have incorrectly stated there will not be enough police officers available to allow the festival to go ahead in 2012," they said. "The Olympics will no doubt make 2012 a busy time for us. However, if the festival organisers choose to hold a festival that year we would find a way to police it – after all the show must go on!"

If people could PLEASE just sit down, shut up and pay attention for like, twenty seconds, I can solve this mystery. The reason there will be no festival in 2012. It's because The Eaviseses are going on holiday.

"We have a year off anyway every fifth year and have just pushed that forward a year. It is nothing to do with portable toilets," he said.

"We are having a total year off, no Glastonbury Festival, no Pilton Party, no Extravaganza."

Instead, they're going on a lovely holiday touring the British coast in their Mini.

"We will be starting off on the south coast, then go up the east, go to Scotland, into Wales and on to Cornwall" he said.

Alright? Nothing to do with toilets, nothing to do with the police. 2011 was supposed to be a festival-free year, but because the idea of two non-Glastonbury years is just too depressing, we get a festival this year, and not next year. Got it? Good.


Lord Stradmor said...

but if there's going to be enough toilets and polices, why not have the year off in 2011, not 2012, answer me that, eh?
Its the Mayans, insn't it. The simple truth is, it's because the world is going to end in 2012, and ME wanted to see Bodger and Badger one last time before the band strikes up the Apocalypso.